counting chest bullets

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Melancholy men of all others are most witty — Aristotle

nameless beerhouse elegy

By Angelo Suárez

“True company is rare and must be kept raw with drink, distance, a few fangs, and scandals”
-Ricardo de Ungria

Why people call this place “Kittens”
you will never understand, save for nights
the occassional cat drops by for its ration
of strokes &random caresses. Or why

people sometimes call it “Batcave”
when no bat at all hangs upside-down
its topside of peeling paint & rotting wood
to sleep or drop its share of guano.

What you do know is what goes straight
to your heads no longer comes out
alcohol but wisdom, that what passes
thru your veins is not polluted blood

but verses, satanic ones, the type
that finds itself not scrawled on pages
but floating on a puddle of puke
disgorged by a friend who has long

since drifted away. And you
miss him; each bottle you raise each time
is a tribute to him whom you met
at the nearby school a street-cross

away where once in your lives you
called each other brothers, allies
of the pen, this pointless vocation.
Volitionbe your guide, erudition

on craft the raft that sails you thru
stormy seas of imagination, rivulets
of beer, puke, imagery, & metaphor–
pathways that lead to that homeland

you call poem. And this place serves
as port of passage, & life has never
been the same since you got here.
What you aim for’s not for wimps,

a poet wrote, & not for wimps it is.
Imps, maybe; perhaps even enemies–
one of whom you once shared this
table with, chicharong bulaklak,

isaw as convoluted as your friendships,
your lives. And there isn’t any name
for this sort of familiarity, the way no one
has names for things that truly matter,

like this breerhouse, for instance–
for which all you do now is approximate
nomenclatures, as always. Make do
with monikers momentary as memory,

fleeting as a friend’s face, passing
quickly like occassional cats, imaginary
bats, their crap falling at a speed
you wish could also apply to forgetting.

Filed under: Cheers, flash, The Hobby

i won’t like this for my epitaph

Music: All I want – Toad the Wet Sprocket

This is not the exact text i would like to see in my epitaph.

Hmm. O well, di ko naman malalaman e. Maybe some stupid person will probably etch it 45 years from now. Anyway, di naman un ang point ng entry nito. I went to Kittens last night and just looked around, catched the feel of the place for the last time. Talked to Manang about the status of the place: kung kelan sila aalis and kung kulan idedemolish ang place. Naghihintay nga daw silang magkakapitbahay ng 100k para sumibat na, pero sabi din nya kahit 30k lang solve na sya. She also asked me kung sino daw iyong girl na kasama ko noong one time kame nag-inuman nila red and ronald and i told her about mics. Hmm. Madamedame din kami napag-usapan ni manang kittens and what’s weird is that for seven years that i’ve been drinking there, hindi pala niya alam ang pangalan ko. And i told him it’s wes. Just plain wes. don’t know kung may last inuman pa sa kittens. Hmm. Any plans Red, Ronald, Gelo, Eric? It will surely be a blast to have one.

Filed under: Cheers, flash

jumping from the tops of buildings never felt so better

Music: As long as it matters – Gin Blossoms

One smile, i knew i was lost.

My eve: who keeps me jumping from the tops of buildings for the thrill of the fall.

Filed under: flash

what’s with the number 8?

Music: 23 – Jimmy Eat World

AMPS. Pampagana ngayong panahon ng kampanya para sa eleksyon sa Mayo. Hmm. Pathetic. Isang kuha ng isang taong desperado sa kongreso. Potah. Walang pakialaman. Kuha noong kasal ni Ate Dynah sa Tagaytay. Ngayon ko lang naretrieve ang mga pics e. Sa muli.

 

Filed under: flash

polaris

Music: Polaris – Jimmy Eat World

The North Star or simply North Star, is the brightest star in the constellation Ursa Minor. It is very close to the north celestial pole (42′ away as of 2006), making it the current northern pole star.

A passage from Pnakoptic Manuscripts by H. P. Lovecraft:

Slumber, watcher, till the spheres,
Six and twenty thousand years
Have revolv’d, and I return
To the spot where now I burn.
Other stars anon shall rise
To the axis of the skies;
Stars that soothe and stars that bless
With a sweet forgetfulness:
Only when my round is o’er
Shall the past disturb thy door.”

Polaris by Jimmy Eat World

I’ll say it straight and plain
I know I’ve made mistakes
I’ve always been afraid
I’ve always been afraid

A thousand nights or more
I travel east and north
Please answer the door

Can you tell me
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it’s just enough to know it’s there
When you go, I’ll let you be
But you’re killing everything in me

Get down on your knees
Whisper what I need
Something pretty
Something pretty

I feel that when I’m old
I’ll look at you and know
The world was beautiful

Then you tell me…
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it’s just enough to know it’s there
When you go, I’ll let you be
But you’re killing everything in me

I’m done, there’s nothing left to show
I try but can’t let it go
Are you happy where you’re standing still?
Do you really want the sugar pill?
I’ll wake up tomorrow and I’ll start
Tonight it feels so hard
As the train approaches Gare Du Nord
As I’m sure your kiss remains employed
Am I only dreaming?

You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it’s just enough to know it’s there
When you go, I’ll let you be
But you’re killing everything in me

When you go, I’ll let you be
But you’re killing everything in me

Filed under: flash

passengers (a work in progress)

Tell me how brief our four years was
and i’ll show you a maze of our memories
A scene will start to fade into view:
You and I, boarding a bus towards nowhere/without a clue

Remember the chill of the air from outside,
the juddering motion as we sped through the night,
the graffiti scrawled on the seat,
and our tickets jammed in our fingertips

Yes, we’re passengers in this bus called love
sitting side by side
Yes, we’re passengers in this fleeting lull
Holding hands while making love

closer together

partners and lovers

Yes, we’re passengers
As the bus speeds through the night

Filed under: flash

23 edited to 30

From 23 by Jimmy Eat World

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
(We’re) still driving away
And I’m sorry every day
I won’t always love these selfish things
I won’t always live
Not stopping

It was (your) turn to decide
(You) knew this was (not) our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

(We)’ll sit alone forever
If (we) wait for the right time
What are (you) hoping for?
I’m here I’m now I’m ready
Holding on tight
Don’t give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
(Remember 30)
I won’t always love what I’ll never have
I won’t always live in my regrets

(We)’ll sit alone forever
If (we) wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I’m here I’m now I’m ready
Holding on tight
Don’t give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

(We)’ll sit alone forever
If (we) wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I’m here I’m now I’m ready
Holding on tight
Don’t give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Filed under: flash

lines in progress

Ilang mga linyang naisip ko after ‘the incident.’ Sabay-sabay na lumabas ang mga linya. Di ko malaman kung paano tatapusin bawat isa.

(Untitled)

The air I breathe is pain
Being with you is a lie
Can you see him when i kiss your lips
Can you see him when i’m standing here

(Untitled)

It’s your hands holding mine,
it’s your laugh that makes me want to cry,
it’s your eyes looking at my weakness,
it’s your name stinging in my chest.

(Untitled)

The fries is cold, and the message has been told

Filed under: flash

the krag-and-bayonet Phase (a love song)

Music: Reveal the remedy – Urbandub

By Ricardo De Ungria

The landscape is just not big enough
for both of us, I see.
You go that way, I go mine.
With separate maps, we shall not
pay out thread behind us.
We’ll arrive at the same places,
perhaps use the same paths and turnings,
separately, lured by the same
primordial, amplitudes and silences we love.
Pinnacles, bedrock, harbor heads,
cliff dwellings, tumbleweed hinterlands,
waterfalls, canyons and forests
will wound us with the grit
and hesitancies of impermanence.
At the end of the road
when we come accross each other
again, we’ll have stories to inflict
on the other without delay.
We shall drink to each other’s absence.
We shall leave no stone unturned,
spare no mementos and take no compliments.
We shall leave the feeling between us
a howling wilderness.
We’ll be at a loss for words, love,
but we shall have peace.

_________________________________

galing sa librong Decimal Places (2004) ni Ricardo De Ungria.

Filed under: flash

parentheses

 Music: Frailty – Urbandub

(reveal the remedy)g.alipe(this separation is killing me)(you say I should’ve thought that)(before I did what I have done) (so easier to put the blame on you)(I should’ve looked inside of me)(But it’s all in vain as I try to explain)(She pulls away)(we could’ve been more)(can we ever have these feelings again?)(we should’ve been more)(maybe in time we’ll realize that maybe)(fate reveals the remedies)(making it feel like it will be like the first time)(still the vision on my mind)(cuz now I realize it’s)(so damn hard to give you up)(no way out of this hole)(can we ever have us back again?)(let’s not start and put the blame part away)(can you honestly say)(you can see me with another one)(another one, another chance with you)(i want more, I want more, I want more)(regretting it now)(can fate reveal to me)(the questions to why)(reveal the remedy)(could’ve been more)(should’ve been more)(maybe in time we’ll realize that maybe)(that fate reveals the remedies)(making it feel like it will be like the first time)(just like the first time)

Filed under: flash